Tuesday, September 18, 2007

little lotta & pokemon

once upon a diddly doo Little lotta met Pokemon
and together they were happy & free

but little lotta carried her weight wherever she went
at first it was kind of cute & Pokee felt the belly was
like a really fat flute

but then too much became three much
& one fine day she went boom
blew up to the size of two balloons

then lotta began to feel an itch
inside her heart and it made her soul twitch

She couldnt quite figure out what it was
and lots of soul searching left her with naught
She found herself stuck in limboland
wishing alice would take her to wonderland

Pokee couldnt quite figure out what it was
he talked and yelled and worried a lot
but Lotta was stubborn as an ox
her mind wouldnt give no matter what

then one day, poke told lots..
"you better get happy or im gonna get lost!"
lotta felt a shiver of fear
creeping down her back like an electric razor

So she tried and tried..
distractions and addictions
super glue and quick stick
but her broken part would just not mend , dammit!!

So what next she wonders
maybe its time to deflate the balloon
if i get thin again, will it be ok then?
Maybe hidden inside the layers of fat
is the monster thats making her sad

So thums down to colas
& no more crisps or fun golas
just pass by the chocoalte candy
and give a miss to the beef burgundy

wake up at 5 and walk instead of drive
run on the sands of time
and hope everything will be allright

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

f@%* the world

fuck the world

i feel
like a rebellious
16 year old boy
with a guitar crashing in my head
and the devil on my mind

i want
to smash a window
and break a few bones
and climb a tree
and just be free

i wish
i had a natural brilliance
maybe i could paint
or draw
or write
or play a sport
or make movies

fed up
of being me
and ranting and raving
and crying into my pillow
and drowning in self pity

somebody save me

the pursuit of "wow"

i hold me back
everytime, raise me this high
and no more

blame it on circumstance
or the wrong choices
or karma?

is it a hole that i cant plug?
im afraid
what if its never enough

im tired now
searching for too long
its either this or that
all or nothing

ready to run away
ready for the big bang
anywhere, somehwere
anywhere but here

Thursday, July 26, 2007

chronicles - 4

Chronicles of a dickhead – part 4
- how samosa killer aka bad ass mofo aka as yet untitled met the king of good minds – Idea the bulb …..

(note : all wrongs reserved, any multiplication of this monstrosity will invite sever punishment in the form of listening to the opera for 3 hours, or the hit indi puke song “eh papi” ( for the unitiatied – papi means sinner and not some hybrid or feminine version of the Punjabi _ pape, although with words like kudi and chak de its an easy mistake to make ) whichever is worse at a given time

in one of his oil filled fantasies ( to note at this time – these chronicles gave been passed by the board of smoky soirees and sordid stories and has been given a pg rating) the great and giving Sk found his answer to all problems his talcum powder to cover his sweaty odors, his foot cream to get rid of the samosa sores rising rapidly on the inner sole of his left toe , his tongue cleaner of those oily love stains from his beloved samosas… oh you get the picture !

he found the insult giver , the bad boy of brainy behavior – idea the bulb!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(the board of unnecessary and completely nonsensical crap has authorized more than three exclamation marks behind his name and hence the same has been applied )

Idea the bulb had helped him before. Once warming his stomach when in a somewhat odd manner sub zero temperatures hit Hawaii when SK was taking is annual solar skin purifying hydration oxymoronic treatment. The warmth from idea the bulb kept the samosa flavor alive and SK found his will to live and eat again…

Why oh why had he nto thought if hime before? Especially before stuffing his face 3000 samosas in the desperate hope to reach level 6! Purrrrr.. a pussycat meowed from his rear...

So idea the bulb dimmed and cracked a few times especially when bad ass mofo appeared , the stench did cause some discomfort to the bulb causing it to oscillate between turning vomity yellow – green to just cracking into blue billion barnacles..

Eureka!!!!! ( actually the bulb said ‘fucking mother fucking shit!! but that’s been censored since this a pg rated blah blah blah.. psst… who reads this crap anyway?) so idea had an idea and all the world looked super sexy again. He announced in stops and starts , the light and dim language of the ancient Mesopotamian bulbs that they would have a Doobie DooBie doo!!!!!! – the challenge of the stony stars!

The challenge was to correctly demonstrate how a doobie is smoked and the rules do doobiedom. Will the stenos be upto this challenge? In happiness, SK did a few samosasaults ( it’s complicated so don’t ask) while choking on his puke.

Next : return of the stenos – counter theorizing with the master - HYPER BLEE..

Thursday, July 12, 2007

despair

despair
despair is like disease. you need external help to really get rid of it. and like disease you wait till the last minute before you go to the doctor. By then you cant sleep, youre too tired to do anything, you're crabby, whiny and painful for everyone around you. You demand attention, love and you know its annoying being so clingy yet you seem to feel like somehow you deserve it.

but you dont go to the doctor, because of some vain 'ill solve this myself" attitude.so it doesnt go away.

and it starts to itch under your skin
right there in between your eyes
and inside your mindso you go

and do something stupid
and utterly silly
you feed the monsteronce again
till it mutates

despair is an addiction
like the meth stories ive heard
the clawing & scratching
till slowly there's a hole in your brain
and venom in your heart

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

daydreaming

my eyes burn. i think its the computer. or something else. this feels odd. feel self conscious now.
no wonder noone reads my blog. im boring.

im bored even as i write. so bored i am already dreaming of doing soemthing else. like gardening. or lying down in the grass. and watching my toes play. with my new ipod. and a summer dress. and daydreaming of doing something else as im lying there. tripping out at a rave on a beach. watching the glo sticks and the headgear bobbing up and down, the waves building on the morning melody. and feeling too happy to speak.

this is a nice daydream. i think i will dream it more.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

should i?

Should i strip off this skin
this mind and the thing
that binds us within us
should i sever this intention
this love this pretense this creation

Saturday, March 17, 2007

chronicles - 3

10 - 16: the bad ass mofo years

after consuming 2116342.67 samosas by the tender age of ten, our hero found a new power. he could smell like anyone he wanted to and if he concentrated his olfactory senses hard enough, he could literally get into the nose of the character. Thus began the bad ass mofo years.

bad ass mofo - SK's smelly identity was the baddesst ass mofo in the ghetto bylanes of yari road village. the papers were full of badd ass mofo exploits - people jumping into trash cans as soon as they saw him, pigs turning a pale shade of green as he passed by, in fact: graphic descriptions of badd ass mofo's nose hair were enough to inspire cleanliness in the laziest bachelors in the area.

but badd ass mofo was no demon. He was , in fact the secret superhero that the anti-steno movement had been waiting for. Samosa Killer had become suficiently enlightened to combine the olfactory and gastonomical powers of his two identities to create one powerful entity, who was called well, Bad ass Samosa Killer ( the creative energies hadnt quite developed as yet, since the twosome were yet to meet idea the bulb)

well anyway, the awesome twosome would terrorize the world of stenos - sending irrestible stomach upsetting geurilla samosas inside tiffin boxes during the day .. and spreading the oily stench during the night.. oh what fun it was!

The professor put down his pen for a second and wiped away an oily tear. TA Cleo rushed to his side and performed the necessary TLC required tocheer up the professor, so that the could get back to his chronicles. after all this was a very important essay on the character and very fabric of society..

the professor rose from his foetal position with renewed vigor and post coital energy and thus the saga continues..

Injury was only the beginning for badd as and SK, the real assualt would be insult. What stenos hated more than anything was an insult to mindless long copy.

As of now SK seemed at a loss to understand the heightened sensibilites required to engineer insult. He needed to pass level 6 . but that was another 50000 samosas away. and his stomach was beginning to look liek a frying pan now. oily grease had started to ooze out and he was beginning to believe that he had actually turned into bad ass .. ( oh no! the machines are taking over!!!)

suddenly SK had a bright idea! . and thus was born idea the bulb

Thursday, January 25, 2007

freeze frame

crash and burn , spin and splatter
every sense convoluted
every reality distorted
then a fleeting stillness
that i stumbled upon in this dance of perspectives

can i stretch it?
elongate it so it lasts till i chose it?
can i walk inside the bubble?
and watch mesmerised

can i shift it?
a little to the left and 2 inches forward
can i add colour?
a rainbow perhaps?

can i own it?
play with it like a faviriote pet
dream about it like an obsession


can i make another one just like it?

Saturday, January 20, 2007

dilli dilli , chilly dilli ...

hello sunshine , goodbye chilly dilli

thats what i thought the minute the " commander of this kingfisher airline" announced that we have finally landed in mumbai.. and the temperature outside is a warm 22 degrees , HELOOO SUNSHINNNEEE..

ok now for a lil boring background and some travelogue type murmerings.. between pauses for vishesh tipnees and smart alecky comments ( a la anthony bourdain)

6 days back i went to delhi for a big event.. or events rather, one happening almost everyday. I managed to squeeze in time to really see delhi a bit, something that ive been wanting to do for long but never really got the chance to .. so alhtough i didnt make it paranthewali galli and do the RDB jig at india gate.. i did manage to get lost inside sarojini market and eat gol gappas and kulcha paratha... :) And of course , notice some of those interesting little things that are "so delhi" . here's my list .. its not too big, just moments i caught and some i pondered upon between work, fatigue and while i was gorging on pancakes and mirchi pakodas ..

1. LOVE... LADKIYAAN... BOLLYWOOD... and my first impression of the delhi reporter

LLB - some radio channel runs this show in delhi and i kept hearing it in every car i sat.. the host is a fellow with a thick dilli accent gossipping about bollywood... i have no idea why its called LLB ( as in why the connect to the LLB degree, why couldnt it be bbm, bollywood...babes.. Masti.. or some such thing ) and im still trying to figure out what the copywriter was thinking ..

Delhi reporters - i had the misfortune of listening to some drunk TOI guy talking.. trying to instigate someone i knew for a quote by being mean on purpose .. maybe its his job but my skin crawledhearing him speak. so my first impression of the delhi reporter - bad taste in my mouth - reminded me of all the stories about delhi men and made me think maybe there s no hope still


2. WHEN IN DELHI , DRESS WAY UP

Delhi is an incredibly well turned out city. everyone is dressed to the tee with colour coordinated belt , shoes/ boots, jacket, inner t shirts and probably even their thermals are designer ..

At sarojini market you can score export rejects for give or take a 100 bucks each. 'Cheena' - A local delhi - punju girl with us made it extremely clear to every vendor within 10 miles of hearing distance that 100 was all we would all pay for any item we pick up. Anytime we needed any expert bargaining, the whole market would hear us yelling 'cheeeeeeeeeeenaaaa' which led to everyone knowing we were imports and thus promptly being rejected by quite a few self respecting delhi shopkeepers for our un-ignorant attitude..

i bought one pair of boots with orange , green and pink colours all in one shoe..one of the local delhi girls with me ( a perfect specimen of the well turned out, fashionperfect delhi) informed me very happily that i could just pass them off as 'original manish arora'!!!!... , just dont tell anybody ok?' ... hmm well ok..

but now there is DICHOTOMY!! . Should i tell people i bought these very cool shoes for 'just 500!!!' or that i bought the 'very IN manish arora'! ...

sigh! life 's a bitch

Anyway moving on.. Also at sarojini market you can find dilli exotica like 'BANTA' - a lime type drink supposedly the nimbu pani of mumbai ( which incidentally ididnt taste) and Sweet potatoes with masala and lime -YUMMMM for 5 - 10 bucks

3. CHILLY DILLI, BUT NOT UNBEARABLY

You can actually get used to the cold. yes there exists such a thing.. I spent six days there. the first outdoor event - 4 layers, second - three, 3rd ( which incidentally was a case of false bravado gone reallly bad sinc ethat event was in an extremely cold area and after a while i was turning a pale shade of blue) - 2 layers .. Strangely enough i didnt get sick , no cold nothing and i actually didnt freeze to death.
Just make sure you wear monkey cap, gloves and socks at all times. thats good enough

4. JUT v/s JAAT

attention this is a 'did you know' moment
apparently the northie JAT and the northie JUT are two different avatars and not simply two different pronounciations of the same animal.
this is what came from a very pretty Jut horse's mouth ( disclaimer : this is all hearsay and there may be few errors in reproduction since at the time i was salivating over luscious looking aloo parantas at Not Just Parathas - GKII delhi)

The originals were the JAATS - the warriors .. those bulky huge haryanvi fellows who double as bouncers at gurgaon pubs .. and then some of them moved north and got into cultivation .. so they for some reason became known as the JUTS.. usually in delhi and many of these converted to the SIKH religion.. so today's JUTS are sikhs mostly ( i think - cause they talk shudh punjabi) and they are all over delhi


5. 'oye ministerji, gun shun chala do, signal khulva do', aap bhi laal baati , yeh bhi laal batti..
overheard in delhi - punju girl at the wheel telling lal batti gaadi mein minsterwala in the next lane to use his 'firepower' and change the signal from red to green

I am sure the city has some killer female hindi copywriters... specially the punju dilli girls. Ive met three now and all of them crack me up with their hilarious rejoinders, dramatic descritpions of things , people and places and general murmerings.. they seem to be constantly talking, muttering something or the other , its one streamof constant chatter of completely crazy perspectives...

I recommed the hindi descriptions of a night of heavy drinking - a definite must - hear.
Current top of the chart is - simran followed closely by cheena

6. AND FINALLY --- There are people in delhi who have never been to bombay!!!!!!
Its a crying shame isnt it?? i wonder how they sleep at night
Both the drivers that i spent the maximum car time with have never been to bombay and it is their one dream to see the city.. it was very endearing and i felt terribly homesick as i was answering their questions on traffic, where the stars live and what happens on juhu beach

thank god im back. this is the bestest city ever. though delhi wasnt as bad as i had imagined it would be. at least it felt like a living breathing city , full of crazy experiences and anti mellow just the way i like it.. hope i can go again and experience more of dilli dilli ( like that black eyed peas song)

special thanks to GURPREET for showing me around, making sure i ate gol gappas, paratha kulcha, and rajma chawal and that i bought my very own mac kajal, and delhi clothes and for just being good fun!:)

Thursday, January 11, 2007

mojo questions

i think i have forgotten how to write.

now its all slap dash one liners and slogans and taglines and headlines..
but no real words

that sounds totally idiotic.

question is however, how do i get my mojo back?
and the bigger question... did i have any to begin with

i went to goa for new year. i think i will live there one day. im happiest with the sand between my toes