all these people.
who shrunk me with their
holier than thou
who kicked me harder when
i was down who broke me choked me
raped me , turned me out
into the cold
all these people.
i watch them from a distance
their miserable tiny lives
growing smaller by the second
caught in time's stranglehold
tighter & tighter
sharper & sharper
cut bleed gasp burn
veins peircing through the flesh
screams for anyone someone...
but im not there.
im not there anymore. no more
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
pile on.. it a free for all here
i am home again in borivali after weeks. the new house is lovely and living with unnati is real nice :) there's a lot of lounging around in the front room, talking and playing something or doing nothing just sprawling on sofas .. very relaxing. my dark circles have reduced :)
but i am home in borivali today .. greeted by hyper the dog. which was superb having a dog in the house again! went a little crazy playing with him and then was getting ready for television ( since i dont have one in the andheri house, sundays at home are Tv days ) ..
but of course all this niceness was interrupted by uninvited guests. a regular feature in my house since i was a kid. if it was sunday it meant someone is going to show up. so the cupboards are promptly stocked with snacks. and the house is cleaned up in anticipation and im sulking as usual cause i have some sort of univited guest phobia , especially uninvited guests who im supposed to recongise but never do and realy dont care about AT ALL. pretending to be all nice and interested just bores the hell out of me.
well anyways, these people are still here., and its been about 1.5 hours. i usually shut myself out and everyone thinks im a real snob probably cause i am. but this time these fellows started talking about how 'the christians in your area are really quite unbearable' in that typical snooty stupid 'very marathi' air of superiority. women and men like that i really hate. its an intense sort of hatred. people who pretend to be superior when they have absolutely nothing to show for it. god knows how my folks can even stand to talk to them or reason with them.
besides i don undersatnd this coming over uninvited funda. is this a generation thing? i never ever go anywhere without calling first. why do people think its 'okay' to drop in on people on a bloody sunday evening? the day for tv and conversation and reading of TIME magazine and sunday papers RUINED. that too by self righteous bigots. superb i say. simply superb.
but i am home in borivali today .. greeted by hyper the dog. which was superb having a dog in the house again! went a little crazy playing with him and then was getting ready for television ( since i dont have one in the andheri house, sundays at home are Tv days ) ..
but of course all this niceness was interrupted by uninvited guests. a regular feature in my house since i was a kid. if it was sunday it meant someone is going to show up. so the cupboards are promptly stocked with snacks. and the house is cleaned up in anticipation and im sulking as usual cause i have some sort of univited guest phobia , especially uninvited guests who im supposed to recongise but never do and realy dont care about AT ALL. pretending to be all nice and interested just bores the hell out of me.
well anyways, these people are still here., and its been about 1.5 hours. i usually shut myself out and everyone thinks im a real snob probably cause i am. but this time these fellows started talking about how 'the christians in your area are really quite unbearable' in that typical snooty stupid 'very marathi' air of superiority. women and men like that i really hate. its an intense sort of hatred. people who pretend to be superior when they have absolutely nothing to show for it. god knows how my folks can even stand to talk to them or reason with them.
besides i don undersatnd this coming over uninvited funda. is this a generation thing? i never ever go anywhere without calling first. why do people think its 'okay' to drop in on people on a bloody sunday evening? the day for tv and conversation and reading of TIME magazine and sunday papers RUINED. that too by self righteous bigots. superb i say. simply superb.
Monday, July 21, 2008
B.L.O.T
basic love of things. See them here www.blot.in and here www.blottin.blogspot.com
Discovered them through a friend who recommended the music. Found Blot on facebook and now i have a brand new DVD sent to me by them. which by the way is supercool. I highly recommend. Not that anyone reads my blog.
Also have a fantastic poster which will sit happily above my work station in new chutney office.
All this connecting with the world through the web makes me very happy.
Thank you internet for my life.
Thank you Avinash for the DVD. Music and the movies are great. I loved discovering the cities like that. Come to Bombay and perform sometime soon.
Discovered them through a friend who recommended the music. Found Blot on facebook and now i have a brand new DVD sent to me by them. which by the way is supercool. I highly recommend. Not that anyone reads my blog.
Also have a fantastic poster which will sit happily above my work station in new chutney office.
All this connecting with the world through the web makes me very happy.
Thank you internet for my life.
Thank you Avinash for the DVD. Music and the movies are great. I loved discovering the cities like that. Come to Bombay and perform sometime soon.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Back to life
once again .. the voices come calling
and i think what a time it was, what a life it was. how ive changed . from that to now.
i am lack
of imagination
of joy
of secret ideas
of resolve
how do i go back into that secret place,below the bridge in the muddy water
here i was free lurking in the corners watching them go about thier business
and me making copious notes of eyes darting this way and that and feet slipping , hands outstretched reaching out to the moon
dancing girl
singing girl
hidden in the shadows of my
dreams
how do i talk to her now
how do i awaken those eyes
that went to sleep
and forgot about me
when did i decide to come out and be them and mingle instead of staying indoors, watching the babies playing in the snow. teach me how to build dreams on this song
to be surprised by the words i find hiddin in their breath under the smog inside drains over puddles, between towers & bridges and bliss
the unspeaking trees of far away call my name
brown wet dirt lies in wait to gather below naked feet
and i think what a time it was, what a life it was. how ive changed . from that to now.
i am lack
of imagination
of joy
of secret ideas
of resolve
how do i go back into that secret place,below the bridge in the muddy water
here i was free lurking in the corners watching them go about thier business
and me making copious notes of eyes darting this way and that and feet slipping , hands outstretched reaching out to the moon
dancing girl
singing girl
hidden in the shadows of my
dreams
how do i talk to her now
how do i awaken those eyes
that went to sleep
and forgot about me
when did i decide to come out and be them and mingle instead of staying indoors, watching the babies playing in the snow. teach me how to build dreams on this song
to be surprised by the words i find hiddin in their breath under the smog inside drains over puddles, between towers & bridges and bliss
the unspeaking trees of far away call my name
brown wet dirt lies in wait to gather below naked feet
Thursday, May 01, 2008
book buying adventure & the call of kari
so i went to landmark to kill some time and the mission of the day became instantly clear as i saw the gothamesque book city rise up in front of me (somehow everytime i walk past the glossy foreign magazines and step into BOOKS, i feel like im plunging head first into the brightly lit but still overwhelming unknown - ( i love to adventurize everything)
so the mission was - find books i had read & loved but lost somehwere inside my head and discover at least one new writer.
today was my lucky day. after a slow leisurely walk down "literary fiction" i found old lovers - bluest eye and brave new world and newest crush "everything is illuminated" by jonathan safram foer with elijah wood showing off the sky in his spectacles on the cover. New York times called it a wild indelible first novel. so of course i put it in my little red riding hood red plastic basket and happily strolled along to the graphic novel section..
this is something i always do. its like a ritual at landmark. the graphic novels have to be seen, touched, fantasized about and then given up on after you see the exorbitant prices. Batman & robin in monochrome for 1000 bucks. some new japanese graphic novel for 900 bucks..
sigh.. but then. i saw kari. sitting between batman & some other much too expensive comic book , somewhere on the side... where nooone would notice her.
i like to think she found me.
there was of course just one copy. very romantic :)
Kari is a graphic novel by artist + writer Amruta Patil. inside the book on the first page left is a synopsis. i cant explain it any better than that so i am just going to reproduce a part of it here..
With Angel, Lazarus and the girls of crystal palace forming the chorus to her song, Kari explores the dark heart of smog city - loneliness, sewers, sleeper success, death and the memory of her absentee Other.
I took to kari instantly. I dont know how to write reviews and i dont intend to. Its a personal thing. or more truthfully a selfish thing. im not sharing the inexplicable connections and discoveries i made with anyone. i love it, is all im going to say.
incidently the book ( probably cause its a graphic novel ) smells ever so slightly of paint. Intoxicating me as much as the writing & the art itself.
read more about amruta patil - the writer here http://amrutapatil.blogspot.com
so the mission was - find books i had read & loved but lost somehwere inside my head and discover at least one new writer.
today was my lucky day. after a slow leisurely walk down "literary fiction" i found old lovers - bluest eye and brave new world and newest crush "everything is illuminated" by jonathan safram foer with elijah wood showing off the sky in his spectacles on the cover. New York times called it a wild indelible first novel. so of course i put it in my little red riding hood red plastic basket and happily strolled along to the graphic novel section..
this is something i always do. its like a ritual at landmark. the graphic novels have to be seen, touched, fantasized about and then given up on after you see the exorbitant prices. Batman & robin in monochrome for 1000 bucks. some new japanese graphic novel for 900 bucks..
sigh.. but then. i saw kari. sitting between batman & some other much too expensive comic book , somewhere on the side... where nooone would notice her.
i like to think she found me.
there was of course just one copy. very romantic :)
Kari is a graphic novel by artist + writer Amruta Patil. inside the book on the first page left is a synopsis. i cant explain it any better than that so i am just going to reproduce a part of it here..
With Angel, Lazarus and the girls of crystal palace forming the chorus to her song, Kari explores the dark heart of smog city - loneliness, sewers, sleeper success, death and the memory of her absentee Other.
I took to kari instantly. I dont know how to write reviews and i dont intend to. Its a personal thing. or more truthfully a selfish thing. im not sharing the inexplicable connections and discoveries i made with anyone. i love it, is all im going to say.
incidently the book ( probably cause its a graphic novel ) smells ever so slightly of paint. Intoxicating me as much as the writing & the art itself.
read more about amruta patil - the writer here http://amrutapatil.blogspot.com
Saturday, April 05, 2008
home
im back from home and im headed home.
just got back from a 4 day holiday in goa courtesy my company who generously took us all for a much needed end of year break. for everyone else it was vacation time
for me it was like going back home. Goa is special.
But a lot of things are different now. the 10 pm deadline for instance. of course anywhere else in india its super strict but goa alwyas had its own set of rules for things liek that. ever since scarlet happened though, its all gone. The freedom is finished. terribly sad. killing off the free spirit of goa isnt going to solve the scarlet and related issues. any idiot can see that.
But even without the 10 pm deadline, goa tourism isnt doing much to improve the overall goa experience. for example , its almsot impossible to find a doctor in the night except maybe at panjim. anjuna has only ONE 15 bed hospital mostly filled with drug OD cases. Directions & street lighting is abysmally poor. ive gotten lost on those crazy roads many times and at night believe me its bloody scary. Although bikes are cheap and great , to travel long distances with luggage means hiring a taxi, which turns out terribly expensive. a taxi to the airport from morjim ( north of anjuna) cost us about 1000 bucks. pretty ridiculous and no amount of bargaining works.
plus the locals are real pain. try going to a rave. the koli ladies selling chai and spreading mattresses all over the only sitting space may seem 'exotic and charming' to the foriegners but they are con artists, rude, mean and really painful to deal with. plus the chai SUCKS. you end up buying the crap they sell just cause you want to shut the hell up and let you rest your tired legs.
wow. this has become a rants post. i actually love goa. i end up tolerating all the above mentioned nonsense only because the beaches are incredible and the feeling of freedom is unmatched anywhere in india. exploring goa on a bike is the next best thing to lazing on a sun bed all day. in my explorations with friends ive managed to uncover some amazing places and things to do.
here's 5 of the best
1. Morning at a rave
there's nothing in the world like sunrise at a good party. thats all i can say about that :)
2. English breakfast at Munches - Anjuna, star co junction
Fantastic juices , great frankurters
its open 24 hours too.
3. Lazing on Morjim/ Ashwem beach - north of anjuna , after siolim
these are some of the most fantastic north goa beaches. untouched , clean
laidback and lovely. whooever goes there, if i find out that uve taken a boombox
blaring bollywood music and ordered for paneer tikka at the shack, im coming after you with a loaded rifle. apparently you can hire a boat here, go fishing and also watch the dolphins and the sea turtles - if you can wake up early morning that is.
4. Biking it
There's nothing as fun as hopping on one of those deo's and riding away whrever
the hell you feel like. provided its in the day of course. dont try this at night unless you dont mind getting lost or you knwo the ways pretty well. the roads are designed for these bikes and its super super fun. try going all the way to south goa and lunching at martin's
5. Nine Bar from 6pm or Loodas
nine bar for electronic music in just the right setting
- a cliff overlooking the beach, try this on a saturday or friday - the DJ might be better than the one i had to endure.. but it dosent matter cause the place itself is brilliant.
or Loodes/ Loodas for pyschedelic live rock - a band that played original music for
hours non stop
this super long post is done. for photos visit my flickr account http://www.flickr.com/photos/trippyhippy07/
will keep adding more there
just got back from a 4 day holiday in goa courtesy my company who generously took us all for a much needed end of year break. for everyone else it was vacation time
for me it was like going back home. Goa is special.
But a lot of things are different now. the 10 pm deadline for instance. of course anywhere else in india its super strict but goa alwyas had its own set of rules for things liek that. ever since scarlet happened though, its all gone. The freedom is finished. terribly sad. killing off the free spirit of goa isnt going to solve the scarlet and related issues. any idiot can see that.
But even without the 10 pm deadline, goa tourism isnt doing much to improve the overall goa experience. for example , its almsot impossible to find a doctor in the night except maybe at panjim. anjuna has only ONE 15 bed hospital mostly filled with drug OD cases. Directions & street lighting is abysmally poor. ive gotten lost on those crazy roads many times and at night believe me its bloody scary. Although bikes are cheap and great , to travel long distances with luggage means hiring a taxi, which turns out terribly expensive. a taxi to the airport from morjim ( north of anjuna) cost us about 1000 bucks. pretty ridiculous and no amount of bargaining works.
plus the locals are real pain. try going to a rave. the koli ladies selling chai and spreading mattresses all over the only sitting space may seem 'exotic and charming' to the foriegners but they are con artists, rude, mean and really painful to deal with. plus the chai SUCKS. you end up buying the crap they sell just cause you want to shut the hell up and let you rest your tired legs.
wow. this has become a rants post. i actually love goa. i end up tolerating all the above mentioned nonsense only because the beaches are incredible and the feeling of freedom is unmatched anywhere in india. exploring goa on a bike is the next best thing to lazing on a sun bed all day. in my explorations with friends ive managed to uncover some amazing places and things to do.
here's 5 of the best
1. Morning at a rave
there's nothing in the world like sunrise at a good party. thats all i can say about that :)
2. English breakfast at Munches - Anjuna, star co junction
Fantastic juices , great frankurters
its open 24 hours too.
3. Lazing on Morjim/ Ashwem beach - north of anjuna , after siolim
these are some of the most fantastic north goa beaches. untouched , clean
laidback and lovely. whooever goes there, if i find out that uve taken a boombox
blaring bollywood music and ordered for paneer tikka at the shack, im coming after you with a loaded rifle. apparently you can hire a boat here, go fishing and also watch the dolphins and the sea turtles - if you can wake up early morning that is.
4. Biking it
There's nothing as fun as hopping on one of those deo's and riding away whrever
the hell you feel like. provided its in the day of course. dont try this at night unless you dont mind getting lost or you knwo the ways pretty well. the roads are designed for these bikes and its super super fun. try going all the way to south goa and lunching at martin's
5. Nine Bar from 6pm or Loodas
nine bar for electronic music in just the right setting
- a cliff overlooking the beach, try this on a saturday or friday - the DJ might be better than the one i had to endure.. but it dosent matter cause the place itself is brilliant.
or Loodes/ Loodas for pyschedelic live rock - a band that played original music for
hours non stop
this super long post is done. for photos visit my flickr account http://www.flickr.com/photos/trippyhippy07/
will keep adding more there
Saturday, March 01, 2008
peer pressure
its a saturday evening. i havent been feeling too well ( i hope my mother dosent read this ) . but there's nothign to do except write this post.
things are changing. a friend has left town. another has left work. yet another writes about me ( http://plasticgunner.blogspot.com ) . one is 25 today and another got married last week.
its liek the world is turning another color. or there's some imperciptible shift in the order of things that i can only sense but cant put my finger on. it scares me a bit. i am wondering what abotu me? am i supposed to change too? in some way?
hwoever old you grow i guess you always wanna fit in soemhwere. if everynone 's life is changing mine should too. no matter how great it is right now.
or is it?
things are changing. a friend has left town. another has left work. yet another writes about me ( http://plasticgunner.blogspot.com ) . one is 25 today and another got married last week.
its liek the world is turning another color. or there's some imperciptible shift in the order of things that i can only sense but cant put my finger on. it scares me a bit. i am wondering what abotu me? am i supposed to change too? in some way?
hwoever old you grow i guess you always wanna fit in soemhwere. if everynone 's life is changing mine should too. no matter how great it is right now.
or is it?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
i wrote a half of a story
so i wrote half of of a short story. its not complete yet. but its my first real attempt i think. i always have a tough time finding an ending for the story so i leave them like that and never finish them. i hope this one will be different.
i hope this one will be a first.
i got one bad review though from the one person i showed it to. that made me a bit unsure. but then i decided its not for the world its for me , in typical rejected writer arrogance. hehe
i think this is one of those ' here world, this is how dull my life is ' post .bbut i promise you on the 34th line your world will change. everything will ve revelaed. the truth is out there. stay tuned yahoo and all that jazz.
the truth is i am incredibly bored. people who know me have heard this much too often. i thought about it pretty hard one day. all the synapses in my brain were buzzing around like bees on ecstasy. and then i discovered. I am the kind of person that needs to wake up and have an adventure every single day, mental , physical , emotional any flavour will do. When i dont i get depressed, annoyed , angry , irritable etc etc.
so now you know. it came out lot sooner than the 34th line, but hey thats a good thing. i felt i had to write down my big discovery so i dont lose it inside my head.
so now you know.
i hope this one will be a first.
i got one bad review though from the one person i showed it to. that made me a bit unsure. but then i decided its not for the world its for me , in typical rejected writer arrogance. hehe
i think this is one of those ' here world, this is how dull my life is ' post .bbut i promise you on the 34th line your world will change. everything will ve revelaed. the truth is out there. stay tuned yahoo and all that jazz.
the truth is i am incredibly bored. people who know me have heard this much too often. i thought about it pretty hard one day. all the synapses in my brain were buzzing around like bees on ecstasy. and then i discovered. I am the kind of person that needs to wake up and have an adventure every single day, mental , physical , emotional any flavour will do. When i dont i get depressed, annoyed , angry , irritable etc etc.
so now you know. it came out lot sooner than the 34th line, but hey thats a good thing. i felt i had to write down my big discovery so i dont lose it inside my head.
so now you know.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
many days later..
here i am. many days later. in the new year.
i had a new year party last night. a sort of spontaneous ,unplanned house party.
lots of indulgences into the night i started the usual 'propounding of nonsense theories' usually associated with consumption of large doses of things your mother warned you to stay away from.
here's the latest 'nonsense theory'
yknow Y2k? well the whole world thought systems would breakdown
but in actual fact, unknowingly people broke down. and THAT'S how "motherfuckers gonna drop the pressure" became a hit song.
yeah yeah i know. moral of the story: if you cant be the life of a party try not to be the fool. i narrated this very dramatically to an audience hoping for me to do soemthing really stupid and end up becoming one of those great 'new year party silliness stories' ..but the joke fell kinda flat ..hmm i wonder why..
anyway it was nice. friends , laughter, actually LOTS of laughter at nothing at all and a warm cosy sleep afterward. ive slept all day today. indulging in the one thing i usually get very little of. i love sleeping int he afternoons. its a family tradition. all holidays we eat a great full meal and promptly make the right arrangements for a very long very relaxing siesta. my aunts, parents, cousins , me all stand guilty as charged. and how we love it.
oh and by the by, i went to bangkok in december. work + holiday. work days i hardlky saw the city but after that i did a lot of roaming around. a friend with the common love of walking aroudn cities went with me to chinatown and the shopping mall (yes, malls are the new parks, its the only place to walk anyway )
chinatown was mad. i have pictures of unidentified eating objects hanging from street stalls looking strange but delicious, and of a bizarre HUGE school bus with the most fantastic japanese illustrations..!! ok im just gonna put up the pics now

weird food.

more weird food!

bangkog city. reminded me of bombay all the time

patayya walking street!!!! the sex street with all the mad shows . totally overhwelming monstrosity of neon , ladyboys, weird animals and live huge seafood

the awesomely cool japanese school buses
everyone who reads have a great happy happy new year!!!
ciao now dahlings!
i had a new year party last night. a sort of spontaneous ,unplanned house party.
lots of indulgences into the night i started the usual 'propounding of nonsense theories' usually associated with consumption of large doses of things your mother warned you to stay away from.
here's the latest 'nonsense theory'
yknow Y2k? well the whole world thought systems would breakdown
but in actual fact, unknowingly people broke down. and THAT'S how "motherfuckers gonna drop the pressure" became a hit song.
yeah yeah i know. moral of the story: if you cant be the life of a party try not to be the fool. i narrated this very dramatically to an audience hoping for me to do soemthing really stupid and end up becoming one of those great 'new year party silliness stories' ..but the joke fell kinda flat ..hmm i wonder why..
anyway it was nice. friends , laughter, actually LOTS of laughter at nothing at all and a warm cosy sleep afterward. ive slept all day today. indulging in the one thing i usually get very little of. i love sleeping int he afternoons. its a family tradition. all holidays we eat a great full meal and promptly make the right arrangements for a very long very relaxing siesta. my aunts, parents, cousins , me all stand guilty as charged. and how we love it.
oh and by the by, i went to bangkok in december. work + holiday. work days i hardlky saw the city but after that i did a lot of roaming around. a friend with the common love of walking aroudn cities went with me to chinatown and the shopping mall (yes, malls are the new parks, its the only place to walk anyway )
chinatown was mad. i have pictures of unidentified eating objects hanging from street stalls looking strange but delicious, and of a bizarre HUGE school bus with the most fantastic japanese illustrations..!! ok im just gonna put up the pics now

weird food.

more weird food!

bangkog city. reminded me of bombay all the time

patayya walking street!!!! the sex street with all the mad shows . totally overhwelming monstrosity of neon , ladyboys, weird animals and live huge seafood

the awesomely cool japanese school buses
everyone who reads have a great happy happy new year!!!
ciao now dahlings!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
little lotta & pokemon
once upon a diddly doo Little lotta met Pokemon
and together they were happy & free
but little lotta carried her weight wherever she went
at first it was kind of cute & Pokee felt the belly was
like a really fat flute
but then too much became three much
& one fine day she went boom
blew up to the size of two balloons
then lotta began to feel an itch
inside her heart and it made her soul twitch
She couldnt quite figure out what it was
and lots of soul searching left her with naught
She found herself stuck in limboland
wishing alice would take her to wonderland
Pokee couldnt quite figure out what it was
he talked and yelled and worried a lot
but Lotta was stubborn as an ox
her mind wouldnt give no matter what
then one day, poke told lots..
"you better get happy or im gonna get lost!"
lotta felt a shiver of fear
creeping down her back like an electric razor
So she tried and tried..
distractions and addictions
super glue and quick stick
but her broken part would just not mend , dammit!!
So what next she wonders
maybe its time to deflate the balloon
if i get thin again, will it be ok then?
Maybe hidden inside the layers of fat
is the monster thats making her sad
So thums down to colas
& no more crisps or fun golas
just pass by the chocoalte candy
and give a miss to the beef burgundy
wake up at 5 and walk instead of drive
run on the sands of time
and hope everything will be allright
and together they were happy & free
but little lotta carried her weight wherever she went
at first it was kind of cute & Pokee felt the belly was
like a really fat flute
but then too much became three much
& one fine day she went boom
blew up to the size of two balloons
then lotta began to feel an itch
inside her heart and it made her soul twitch
She couldnt quite figure out what it was
and lots of soul searching left her with naught
She found herself stuck in limboland
wishing alice would take her to wonderland
Pokee couldnt quite figure out what it was
he talked and yelled and worried a lot
but Lotta was stubborn as an ox
her mind wouldnt give no matter what
then one day, poke told lots..
"you better get happy or im gonna get lost!"
lotta felt a shiver of fear
creeping down her back like an electric razor
So she tried and tried..
distractions and addictions
super glue and quick stick
but her broken part would just not mend , dammit!!
So what next she wonders
maybe its time to deflate the balloon
if i get thin again, will it be ok then?
Maybe hidden inside the layers of fat
is the monster thats making her sad
So thums down to colas
& no more crisps or fun golas
just pass by the chocoalte candy
and give a miss to the beef burgundy
wake up at 5 and walk instead of drive
run on the sands of time
and hope everything will be allright
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
f@%* the world
fuck the world
i feel
like a rebellious
16 year old boy
with a guitar crashing in my head
and the devil on my mind
i want
to smash a window
and break a few bones
and climb a tree
and just be free
i wish
i had a natural brilliance
maybe i could paint
or draw
or write
or play a sport
or make movies
fed up
of being me
and ranting and raving
and crying into my pillow
and drowning in self pity
somebody save me
i feel
like a rebellious
16 year old boy
with a guitar crashing in my head
and the devil on my mind
i want
to smash a window
and break a few bones
and climb a tree
and just be free
i wish
i had a natural brilliance
maybe i could paint
or draw
or write
or play a sport
or make movies
fed up
of being me
and ranting and raving
and crying into my pillow
and drowning in self pity
somebody save me
the pursuit of "wow"
i hold me back
everytime, raise me this high
and no more
blame it on circumstance
or the wrong choices
or karma?
is it a hole that i cant plug?
im afraid
what if its never enough
im tired now
searching for too long
its either this or that
all or nothing
ready to run away
ready for the big bang
anywhere, somehwere
anywhere but here
everytime, raise me this high
and no more
blame it on circumstance
or the wrong choices
or karma?
is it a hole that i cant plug?
im afraid
what if its never enough
im tired now
searching for too long
its either this or that
all or nothing
ready to run away
ready for the big bang
anywhere, somehwere
anywhere but here
Thursday, July 26, 2007
chronicles - 4
Chronicles of a dickhead – part 4
- how samosa killer aka bad ass mofo aka as yet untitled met the king of good minds – Idea the bulb …..
(note : all wrongs reserved, any multiplication of this monstrosity will invite sever punishment in the form of listening to the opera for 3 hours, or the hit indi puke song “eh papi” ( for the unitiatied – papi means sinner and not some hybrid or feminine version of the Punjabi _ pape, although with words like kudi and chak de its an easy mistake to make ) whichever is worse at a given time
in one of his oil filled fantasies ( to note at this time – these chronicles gave been passed by the board of smoky soirees and sordid stories and has been given a pg rating) the great and giving Sk found his answer to all problems his talcum powder to cover his sweaty odors, his foot cream to get rid of the samosa sores rising rapidly on the inner sole of his left toe , his tongue cleaner of those oily love stains from his beloved samosas… oh you get the picture !
he found the insult giver , the bad boy of brainy behavior – idea the bulb!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(the board of unnecessary and completely nonsensical crap has authorized more than three exclamation marks behind his name and hence the same has been applied )
Idea the bulb had helped him before. Once warming his stomach when in a somewhat odd manner sub zero temperatures hit Hawaii when SK was taking is annual solar skin purifying hydration oxymoronic treatment. The warmth from idea the bulb kept the samosa flavor alive and SK found his will to live and eat again…
Why oh why had he nto thought if hime before? Especially before stuffing his face 3000 samosas in the desperate hope to reach level 6! Purrrrr.. a pussycat meowed from his rear...
So idea the bulb dimmed and cracked a few times especially when bad ass mofo appeared , the stench did cause some discomfort to the bulb causing it to oscillate between turning vomity yellow – green to just cracking into blue billion barnacles..
Eureka!!!!! ( actually the bulb said ‘fucking mother fucking shit!! but that’s been censored since this a pg rated blah blah blah.. psst… who reads this crap anyway?) so idea had an idea and all the world looked super sexy again. He announced in stops and starts , the light and dim language of the ancient Mesopotamian bulbs that they would have a Doobie DooBie doo!!!!!! – the challenge of the stony stars!
The challenge was to correctly demonstrate how a doobie is smoked and the rules do doobiedom. Will the stenos be upto this challenge? In happiness, SK did a few samosasaults ( it’s complicated so don’t ask) while choking on his puke.
Next : return of the stenos – counter theorizing with the master - HYPER BLEE..
- how samosa killer aka bad ass mofo aka as yet untitled met the king of good minds – Idea the bulb …..
(note : all wrongs reserved, any multiplication of this monstrosity will invite sever punishment in the form of listening to the opera for 3 hours, or the hit indi puke song “eh papi” ( for the unitiatied – papi means sinner and not some hybrid or feminine version of the Punjabi _ pape, although with words like kudi and chak de its an easy mistake to make ) whichever is worse at a given time
in one of his oil filled fantasies ( to note at this time – these chronicles gave been passed by the board of smoky soirees and sordid stories and has been given a pg rating) the great and giving Sk found his answer to all problems his talcum powder to cover his sweaty odors, his foot cream to get rid of the samosa sores rising rapidly on the inner sole of his left toe , his tongue cleaner of those oily love stains from his beloved samosas… oh you get the picture !
he found the insult giver , the bad boy of brainy behavior – idea the bulb!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(the board of unnecessary and completely nonsensical crap has authorized more than three exclamation marks behind his name and hence the same has been applied )
Idea the bulb had helped him before. Once warming his stomach when in a somewhat odd manner sub zero temperatures hit Hawaii when SK was taking is annual solar skin purifying hydration oxymoronic treatment. The warmth from idea the bulb kept the samosa flavor alive and SK found his will to live and eat again…
Why oh why had he nto thought if hime before? Especially before stuffing his face 3000 samosas in the desperate hope to reach level 6! Purrrrr.. a pussycat meowed from his rear...
So idea the bulb dimmed and cracked a few times especially when bad ass mofo appeared , the stench did cause some discomfort to the bulb causing it to oscillate between turning vomity yellow – green to just cracking into blue billion barnacles..
Eureka!!!!! ( actually the bulb said ‘fucking mother fucking shit!! but that’s been censored since this a pg rated blah blah blah.. psst… who reads this crap anyway?) so idea had an idea and all the world looked super sexy again. He announced in stops and starts , the light and dim language of the ancient Mesopotamian bulbs that they would have a Doobie DooBie doo!!!!!! – the challenge of the stony stars!
The challenge was to correctly demonstrate how a doobie is smoked and the rules do doobiedom. Will the stenos be upto this challenge? In happiness, SK did a few samosasaults ( it’s complicated so don’t ask) while choking on his puke.
Next : return of the stenos – counter theorizing with the master - HYPER BLEE..
Thursday, July 12, 2007
despair
despair
despair is like disease. you need external help to really get rid of it. and like disease you wait till the last minute before you go to the doctor. By then you cant sleep, youre too tired to do anything, you're crabby, whiny and painful for everyone around you. You demand attention, love and you know its annoying being so clingy yet you seem to feel like somehow you deserve it.
but you dont go to the doctor, because of some vain 'ill solve this myself" attitude.so it doesnt go away.
and it starts to itch under your skin
right there in between your eyes
and inside your mindso you go
and do something stupid
and utterly silly
you feed the monsteronce again
till it mutates
despair is an addiction
like the meth stories ive heard
the clawing & scratching
till slowly there's a hole in your brain
and venom in your heart
despair is like disease. you need external help to really get rid of it. and like disease you wait till the last minute before you go to the doctor. By then you cant sleep, youre too tired to do anything, you're crabby, whiny and painful for everyone around you. You demand attention, love and you know its annoying being so clingy yet you seem to feel like somehow you deserve it.
but you dont go to the doctor, because of some vain 'ill solve this myself" attitude.so it doesnt go away.
and it starts to itch under your skin
right there in between your eyes
and inside your mindso you go
and do something stupid
and utterly silly
you feed the monsteronce again
till it mutates
despair is an addiction
like the meth stories ive heard
the clawing & scratching
till slowly there's a hole in your brain
and venom in your heart
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
daydreaming
my eyes burn. i think its the computer. or something else. this feels odd. feel self conscious now.
no wonder noone reads my blog. im boring.
im bored even as i write. so bored i am already dreaming of doing soemthing else. like gardening. or lying down in the grass. and watching my toes play. with my new ipod. and a summer dress. and daydreaming of doing something else as im lying there. tripping out at a rave on a beach. watching the glo sticks and the headgear bobbing up and down, the waves building on the morning melody. and feeling too happy to speak.
this is a nice daydream. i think i will dream it more.
no wonder noone reads my blog. im boring.
im bored even as i write. so bored i am already dreaming of doing soemthing else. like gardening. or lying down in the grass. and watching my toes play. with my new ipod. and a summer dress. and daydreaming of doing something else as im lying there. tripping out at a rave on a beach. watching the glo sticks and the headgear bobbing up and down, the waves building on the morning melody. and feeling too happy to speak.
this is a nice daydream. i think i will dream it more.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
should i?
Should i strip off this skin
this mind and the thing
that binds us within us
should i sever this intention
this love this pretense this creation
this mind and the thing
that binds us within us
should i sever this intention
this love this pretense this creation
Saturday, March 17, 2007
chronicles - 3
10 - 16: the bad ass mofo years
after consuming 2116342.67 samosas by the tender age of ten, our hero found a new power. he could smell like anyone he wanted to and if he concentrated his olfactory senses hard enough, he could literally get into the nose of the character. Thus began the bad ass mofo years.
bad ass mofo - SK's smelly identity was the baddesst ass mofo in the ghetto bylanes of yari road village. the papers were full of badd ass mofo exploits - people jumping into trash cans as soon as they saw him, pigs turning a pale shade of green as he passed by, in fact: graphic descriptions of badd ass mofo's nose hair were enough to inspire cleanliness in the laziest bachelors in the area.
but badd ass mofo was no demon. He was , in fact the secret superhero that the anti-steno movement had been waiting for. Samosa Killer had become suficiently enlightened to combine the olfactory and gastonomical powers of his two identities to create one powerful entity, who was called well, Bad ass Samosa Killer ( the creative energies hadnt quite developed as yet, since the twosome were yet to meet idea the bulb)
well anyway, the awesome twosome would terrorize the world of stenos - sending irrestible stomach upsetting geurilla samosas inside tiffin boxes during the day .. and spreading the oily stench during the night.. oh what fun it was!
The professor put down his pen for a second and wiped away an oily tear. TA Cleo rushed to his side and performed the necessary TLC required tocheer up the professor, so that the could get back to his chronicles. after all this was a very important essay on the character and very fabric of society..
the professor rose from his foetal position with renewed vigor and post coital energy and thus the saga continues..
Injury was only the beginning for badd as and SK, the real assualt would be insult. What stenos hated more than anything was an insult to mindless long copy.
As of now SK seemed at a loss to understand the heightened sensibilites required to engineer insult. He needed to pass level 6 . but that was another 50000 samosas away. and his stomach was beginning to look liek a frying pan now. oily grease had started to ooze out and he was beginning to believe that he had actually turned into bad ass .. ( oh no! the machines are taking over!!!)
suddenly SK had a bright idea! . and thus was born idea the bulb
after consuming 2116342.67 samosas by the tender age of ten, our hero found a new power. he could smell like anyone he wanted to and if he concentrated his olfactory senses hard enough, he could literally get into the nose of the character. Thus began the bad ass mofo years.
bad ass mofo - SK's smelly identity was the baddesst ass mofo in the ghetto bylanes of yari road village. the papers were full of badd ass mofo exploits - people jumping into trash cans as soon as they saw him, pigs turning a pale shade of green as he passed by, in fact: graphic descriptions of badd ass mofo's nose hair were enough to inspire cleanliness in the laziest bachelors in the area.
but badd ass mofo was no demon. He was , in fact the secret superhero that the anti-steno movement had been waiting for. Samosa Killer had become suficiently enlightened to combine the olfactory and gastonomical powers of his two identities to create one powerful entity, who was called well, Bad ass Samosa Killer ( the creative energies hadnt quite developed as yet, since the twosome were yet to meet idea the bulb)
well anyway, the awesome twosome would terrorize the world of stenos - sending irrestible stomach upsetting geurilla samosas inside tiffin boxes during the day .. and spreading the oily stench during the night.. oh what fun it was!
The professor put down his pen for a second and wiped away an oily tear. TA Cleo rushed to his side and performed the necessary TLC required tocheer up the professor, so that the could get back to his chronicles. after all this was a very important essay on the character and very fabric of society..
the professor rose from his foetal position with renewed vigor and post coital energy and thus the saga continues..
Injury was only the beginning for badd as and SK, the real assualt would be insult. What stenos hated more than anything was an insult to mindless long copy.
As of now SK seemed at a loss to understand the heightened sensibilites required to engineer insult. He needed to pass level 6 . but that was another 50000 samosas away. and his stomach was beginning to look liek a frying pan now. oily grease had started to ooze out and he was beginning to believe that he had actually turned into bad ass .. ( oh no! the machines are taking over!!!)
suddenly SK had a bright idea! . and thus was born idea the bulb
Thursday, January 25, 2007
freeze frame
crash and burn , spin and splatter
every sense convoluted
every reality distorted
then a fleeting stillness
that i stumbled upon in this dance of perspectives
can i stretch it?
elongate it so it lasts till i chose it?
can i walk inside the bubble?
and watch mesmerised
can i shift it?
a little to the left and 2 inches forward
can i add colour?
a rainbow perhaps?
can i own it?
play with it like a faviriote pet
dream about it like an obsession
can i make another one just like it?
every sense convoluted
every reality distorted
then a fleeting stillness
that i stumbled upon in this dance of perspectives
can i stretch it?
elongate it so it lasts till i chose it?
can i walk inside the bubble?
and watch mesmerised
can i shift it?
a little to the left and 2 inches forward
can i add colour?
a rainbow perhaps?
can i own it?
play with it like a faviriote pet
dream about it like an obsession
can i make another one just like it?
Saturday, January 20, 2007
dilli dilli , chilly dilli ...
hello sunshine , goodbye chilly dilli
thats what i thought the minute the " commander of this kingfisher airline" announced that we have finally landed in mumbai.. and the temperature outside is a warm 22 degrees , HELOOO SUNSHINNNEEE..
ok now for a lil boring background and some travelogue type murmerings.. between pauses for vishesh tipnees and smart alecky comments ( a la anthony bourdain)
6 days back i went to delhi for a big event.. or events rather, one happening almost everyday. I managed to squeeze in time to really see delhi a bit, something that ive been wanting to do for long but never really got the chance to .. so alhtough i didnt make it paranthewali galli and do the RDB jig at india gate.. i did manage to get lost inside sarojini market and eat gol gappas and kulcha paratha... :) And of course , notice some of those interesting little things that are "so delhi" . here's my list .. its not too big, just moments i caught and some i pondered upon between work, fatigue and while i was gorging on pancakes and mirchi pakodas ..
1. LOVE... LADKIYAAN... BOLLYWOOD... and my first impression of the delhi reporter
LLB - some radio channel runs this show in delhi and i kept hearing it in every car i sat.. the host is a fellow with a thick dilli accent gossipping about bollywood... i have no idea why its called LLB ( as in why the connect to the LLB degree, why couldnt it be bbm, bollywood...babes.. Masti.. or some such thing ) and im still trying to figure out what the copywriter was thinking ..
Delhi reporters - i had the misfortune of listening to some drunk TOI guy talking.. trying to instigate someone i knew for a quote by being mean on purpose .. maybe its his job but my skin crawledhearing him speak. so my first impression of the delhi reporter - bad taste in my mouth - reminded me of all the stories about delhi men and made me think maybe there s no hope still
2. WHEN IN DELHI , DRESS WAY UP
Delhi is an incredibly well turned out city. everyone is dressed to the tee with colour coordinated belt , shoes/ boots, jacket, inner t shirts and probably even their thermals are designer ..
At sarojini market you can score export rejects for give or take a 100 bucks each. 'Cheena' - A local delhi - punju girl with us made it extremely clear to every vendor within 10 miles of hearing distance that 100 was all we would all pay for any item we pick up. Anytime we needed any expert bargaining, the whole market would hear us yelling 'cheeeeeeeeeeenaaaa' which led to everyone knowing we were imports and thus promptly being rejected by quite a few self respecting delhi shopkeepers for our un-ignorant attitude..
i bought one pair of boots with orange , green and pink colours all in one shoe..one of the local delhi girls with me ( a perfect specimen of the well turned out, fashionperfect delhi) informed me very happily that i could just pass them off as 'original manish arora'!!!!... , just dont tell anybody ok?' ... hmm well ok..
but now there is DICHOTOMY!! . Should i tell people i bought these very cool shoes for 'just 500!!!' or that i bought the 'very IN manish arora'! ...
sigh! life 's a bitch
Anyway moving on.. Also at sarojini market you can find dilli exotica like 'BANTA' - a lime type drink supposedly the nimbu pani of mumbai ( which incidentally ididnt taste) and Sweet potatoes with masala and lime -YUMMMM for 5 - 10 bucks
3. CHILLY DILLI, BUT NOT UNBEARABLY
You can actually get used to the cold. yes there exists such a thing.. I spent six days there. the first outdoor event - 4 layers, second - three, 3rd ( which incidentally was a case of false bravado gone reallly bad sinc ethat event was in an extremely cold area and after a while i was turning a pale shade of blue) - 2 layers .. Strangely enough i didnt get sick , no cold nothing and i actually didnt freeze to death.
Just make sure you wear monkey cap, gloves and socks at all times. thats good enough
4. JUT v/s JAAT
attention this is a 'did you know' moment
apparently the northie JAT and the northie JUT are two different avatars and not simply two different pronounciations of the same animal.
this is what came from a very pretty Jut horse's mouth ( disclaimer : this is all hearsay and there may be few errors in reproduction since at the time i was salivating over luscious looking aloo parantas at Not Just Parathas - GKII delhi)
The originals were the JAATS - the warriors .. those bulky huge haryanvi fellows who double as bouncers at gurgaon pubs .. and then some of them moved north and got into cultivation .. so they for some reason became known as the JUTS.. usually in delhi and many of these converted to the SIKH religion.. so today's JUTS are sikhs mostly ( i think - cause they talk shudh punjabi) and they are all over delhi
5. 'oye ministerji, gun shun chala do, signal khulva do', aap bhi laal baati , yeh bhi laal batti..
overheard in delhi - punju girl at the wheel telling lal batti gaadi mein minsterwala in the next lane to use his 'firepower' and change the signal from red to green
I am sure the city has some killer female hindi copywriters... specially the punju dilli girls. Ive met three now and all of them crack me up with their hilarious rejoinders, dramatic descritpions of things , people and places and general murmerings.. they seem to be constantly talking, muttering something or the other , its one streamof constant chatter of completely crazy perspectives...
I recommed the hindi descriptions of a night of heavy drinking - a definite must - hear.
Current top of the chart is - simran followed closely by cheena
6. AND FINALLY --- There are people in delhi who have never been to bombay!!!!!!
Its a crying shame isnt it?? i wonder how they sleep at night
Both the drivers that i spent the maximum car time with have never been to bombay and it is their one dream to see the city.. it was very endearing and i felt terribly homesick as i was answering their questions on traffic, where the stars live and what happens on juhu beach
thank god im back. this is the bestest city ever. though delhi wasnt as bad as i had imagined it would be. at least it felt like a living breathing city , full of crazy experiences and anti mellow just the way i like it.. hope i can go again and experience more of dilli dilli ( like that black eyed peas song)
special thanks to GURPREET for showing me around, making sure i ate gol gappas, paratha kulcha, and rajma chawal and that i bought my very own mac kajal, and delhi clothes and for just being good fun!:)
thats what i thought the minute the " commander of this kingfisher airline" announced that we have finally landed in mumbai.. and the temperature outside is a warm 22 degrees , HELOOO SUNSHINNNEEE..
ok now for a lil boring background and some travelogue type murmerings.. between pauses for vishesh tipnees and smart alecky comments ( a la anthony bourdain)
6 days back i went to delhi for a big event.. or events rather, one happening almost everyday. I managed to squeeze in time to really see delhi a bit, something that ive been wanting to do for long but never really got the chance to .. so alhtough i didnt make it paranthewali galli and do the RDB jig at india gate.. i did manage to get lost inside sarojini market and eat gol gappas and kulcha paratha... :) And of course , notice some of those interesting little things that are "so delhi" . here's my list .. its not too big, just moments i caught and some i pondered upon between work, fatigue and while i was gorging on pancakes and mirchi pakodas ..
1. LOVE... LADKIYAAN... BOLLYWOOD... and my first impression of the delhi reporter
LLB - some radio channel runs this show in delhi and i kept hearing it in every car i sat.. the host is a fellow with a thick dilli accent gossipping about bollywood... i have no idea why its called LLB ( as in why the connect to the LLB degree, why couldnt it be bbm, bollywood...babes.. Masti.. or some such thing ) and im still trying to figure out what the copywriter was thinking ..
Delhi reporters - i had the misfortune of listening to some drunk TOI guy talking.. trying to instigate someone i knew for a quote by being mean on purpose .. maybe its his job but my skin crawledhearing him speak. so my first impression of the delhi reporter - bad taste in my mouth - reminded me of all the stories about delhi men and made me think maybe there s no hope still
2. WHEN IN DELHI , DRESS WAY UP
Delhi is an incredibly well turned out city. everyone is dressed to the tee with colour coordinated belt , shoes/ boots, jacket, inner t shirts and probably even their thermals are designer ..
At sarojini market you can score export rejects for give or take a 100 bucks each. 'Cheena' - A local delhi - punju girl with us made it extremely clear to every vendor within 10 miles of hearing distance that 100 was all we would all pay for any item we pick up. Anytime we needed any expert bargaining, the whole market would hear us yelling 'cheeeeeeeeeeenaaaa' which led to everyone knowing we were imports and thus promptly being rejected by quite a few self respecting delhi shopkeepers for our un-ignorant attitude..
i bought one pair of boots with orange , green and pink colours all in one shoe..one of the local delhi girls with me ( a perfect specimen of the well turned out, fashionperfect delhi) informed me very happily that i could just pass them off as 'original manish arora'!!!!... , just dont tell anybody ok?' ... hmm well ok..
but now there is DICHOTOMY!! . Should i tell people i bought these very cool shoes for 'just 500!!!' or that i bought the 'very IN manish arora'! ...
sigh! life 's a bitch
Anyway moving on.. Also at sarojini market you can find dilli exotica like 'BANTA' - a lime type drink supposedly the nimbu pani of mumbai ( which incidentally ididnt taste) and Sweet potatoes with masala and lime -YUMMMM for 5 - 10 bucks
3. CHILLY DILLI, BUT NOT UNBEARABLY
You can actually get used to the cold. yes there exists such a thing.. I spent six days there. the first outdoor event - 4 layers, second - three, 3rd ( which incidentally was a case of false bravado gone reallly bad sinc ethat event was in an extremely cold area and after a while i was turning a pale shade of blue) - 2 layers .. Strangely enough i didnt get sick , no cold nothing and i actually didnt freeze to death.
Just make sure you wear monkey cap, gloves and socks at all times. thats good enough
4. JUT v/s JAAT
attention this is a 'did you know' moment
apparently the northie JAT and the northie JUT are two different avatars and not simply two different pronounciations of the same animal.
this is what came from a very pretty Jut horse's mouth ( disclaimer : this is all hearsay and there may be few errors in reproduction since at the time i was salivating over luscious looking aloo parantas at Not Just Parathas - GKII delhi)
The originals were the JAATS - the warriors .. those bulky huge haryanvi fellows who double as bouncers at gurgaon pubs .. and then some of them moved north and got into cultivation .. so they for some reason became known as the JUTS.. usually in delhi and many of these converted to the SIKH religion.. so today's JUTS are sikhs mostly ( i think - cause they talk shudh punjabi) and they are all over delhi
5. 'oye ministerji, gun shun chala do, signal khulva do', aap bhi laal baati , yeh bhi laal batti..
overheard in delhi - punju girl at the wheel telling lal batti gaadi mein minsterwala in the next lane to use his 'firepower' and change the signal from red to green
I am sure the city has some killer female hindi copywriters... specially the punju dilli girls. Ive met three now and all of them crack me up with their hilarious rejoinders, dramatic descritpions of things , people and places and general murmerings.. they seem to be constantly talking, muttering something or the other , its one streamof constant chatter of completely crazy perspectives...
I recommed the hindi descriptions of a night of heavy drinking - a definite must - hear.
Current top of the chart is - simran followed closely by cheena
6. AND FINALLY --- There are people in delhi who have never been to bombay!!!!!!
Its a crying shame isnt it?? i wonder how they sleep at night
Both the drivers that i spent the maximum car time with have never been to bombay and it is their one dream to see the city.. it was very endearing and i felt terribly homesick as i was answering their questions on traffic, where the stars live and what happens on juhu beach
thank god im back. this is the bestest city ever. though delhi wasnt as bad as i had imagined it would be. at least it felt like a living breathing city , full of crazy experiences and anti mellow just the way i like it.. hope i can go again and experience more of dilli dilli ( like that black eyed peas song)
special thanks to GURPREET for showing me around, making sure i ate gol gappas, paratha kulcha, and rajma chawal and that i bought my very own mac kajal, and delhi clothes and for just being good fun!:)
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